Child Tantrums & Bad Behavior: How to Overcome Them and Work With Parents to Get Results

Each household you work in will most likely have a different model of discipline. In fact, there could even be different approaches to discipline within the same household since each child responds to discipline differently. What works for a 2-year-old boy might and most likely will not work for a 11-year-old girl. One aspect of discipline and being a caregiver is universal, and this is that you will want to work with the parents to get results. Some steadfast catalysts for bad behavior include: a.) skipped nap/ not enough sleep; b.) break in a usual routine; c.) increased amounts of stress. Knowing what triggers a tantrum will be a key in helping you act before the bad behavior or tantrum begins.

A child will usually throw a tantrum because his/her emotions get past the point where he or she can control them. As a caregiver, you will inevitably be in a position where your job entails helping a child learn healthy ways to handle their emotions and not act out with bad behavior. Depending on the age of the child and the situation that instigates bad behavior, you will want to employ a variety of different responses in handling this behavior. Here are a few suggestions to help you help the child in your charge to better manage his or her emotions:

1. Ignore the tantrum. Many tantrums last less than two minutes.
2. Positive recognition for the child calming down.
3. Once the child is calm, identify the feelings the child had, then help them to manage them. Ex. “I understand why you would feel sad about your toy being broken. What can we do when our toys get broken other than screaming?”
4. Teach other ways to handle anger and frustration.
5. Redirect the child to another activity that causes less frustration or anger..
6. Send the child to his or her room in order to calm down. If the cause of the child’s tantrum is tiredness, then this will be the perfect opportunity for a nap.
7. Be firm and consistent in what you expect from the child.
8. Do not try to reason with a screaming child.
9. Once the child is calm, give them tools to help them manage the emotions prior to it spiraling out of control in the future. “The next time you feel angry, try:” writing the emotion down (journaling), taking a deep breath, count to ten, scream into a pillow, or jump high ten times in a row.

Communicate, communicate, communicate: Parents will always be your best teammate in finding creative ways to help the child manage his or her behaviors, so you will always want to be diligent about communicating with your employers about the daily behaviors of the child. Keeping a daily log might be the best way to do this. The best way to work together to get the children to behave is to be consistent. The child will have consistency if there is follow-through during the days and evenings, weekdays and weekends. The child will have consistency if they get the same consequences put in place for the same misbehaviors. The child will know what to expect and therefore be more empowered to manage his or her emotions in a healthy way. Make sure to voice any concerns with disciplining these behaviors with your employer. Remember that communication is key.

If you ever feel uncomfortable with the approach to bad behavior that your employer has asked you to enforce (such as spanking a child for misbehavior) make sure that your employer knows what your comfort zone is and let them work around that. If the parent feels the need to spank a child, for example, let them know they will have to do this on their own. Your title as a caregiver does not tie you to duties that are outside of your comfort zone or put you in a position that could cause you to harm a child unintentionally. You can always work with the nanny service you chose to find your position to help out in these situations.